A Sink Full of Dishes And A Heart Filled With Joy

I know it's been awhile.  Forgive Me Friend. You know everyone of you are near and dear to me.  My heart has been on overflow as the many months have passed.  My heart has been heavy and full all at the same time.  Oh, How I longed to be with you and share my life with you. So, Let me explain...

A sink full of dishes! A sink full of dishes!( Yes, that is pure excitement in my voice.)  My husband and I have been in a recent season of trials.  We could NOT have prepared for the things we were about to experience in this season of storms.  How do I know this, because we did prepare and yet here we are!  Here is a friendly fact for ya:

SOMETHINGS YOU JUST CAN'T PREPARE FOR FRIEND. PERIOD.

What happens when you are just in the middle of the sea and the storms begin to rage?  What can you hold on to?  How long can you hold on to what you think will keep you secure?  Here's what I know, that in this season of storms the only thing keeping me and my family is The Lord!  You heard me right!  

I don't know about you, but I live in and am surrounded by a culture that promotes security!  Security through trying to control everything that happens in our lives.  

Kids going ham? Don't worry do these 3 easy steps and problem solved.

Your finances are tight?  Well just have a savings and plan ahead. 

Want a new job?  Simple.  Network.

Ever so often the Lord, Sovreign God, Creator of the Universe will bring us some real deal stuff to see where our hope lies.  Things that can't be forecasted, but just happen.  

A diagnosis of cancer.

An adoption process that's on pause.

A loss of a child or even infertility.

An emptied bank account.

An affair.  A divorce.  You fill in the blank.

Here's my point: 

EVERY TRIAL, EVERY DIFFICULTY, EVERY DIAGNOSIS IS FOR HIS GLORY!

So, one beautiful day that seemed not so beautiful rocked my world.  I was having a conversation with my hubby, and we began to have some hard conversations about what should be done during this season of trials.  So, what did we do?

We stopped, we prayed, we worshiped God.

Then we did it again and again.

And then we got our community involved and asked them to stop, pray and worship.  

What happens when God does not respond at the moments you think he should?

We wait.  And that's what we did.

With a sink full of dishes I would stop, pray, cry aloud to my God(And girl did I cry.  FYI....I am NOT a crier) and then worshiped Him.  The One who responds, reigns and floods into my heart like a mighty rushing wind.  

Listen ladies.  There have been many days I would just pour my heart out before the Lord with a sink full of dishes!  Wanna know why?

BETTER MY HEART CLEAN WITH A SINK FULL OF DIRTY DISHES THAN A TROUGH FULL OF SIN IN MY HEART WITH A SINK FULL OF CLEAN DISHES!

Listen to what scripture says in Psalm 51:16-18(English Standard Version)

16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
    you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
    build up the walls of Jerusalem;

This is David crying out to the Lord.  He knew the Lord, checking the "right" boxes and yet he knew he had sin in his heart!  So David came clean.

I came clean with the Lord.  Pride, haughtiness, envy, doubt, fear.  All these things the Lord revealed in my heart.  As I was on the floor in my kitchen with those dirty dishes, God wanted my heart.  He wanted my heart ever the more broken and pure for Him.  He wanted me to be naked before Him. He wanted to take the dish of my heart and wash it, clean it, and it make it shine for His glory!  Let me tell ya'll something, in that moment was pure JOY!  

This is a joy like none other.  It is eternal.  It is not bent on emotion, but on the reality of who God is!  Nothing else can compare and nothing ever will.  God's joy comforts, does not condemn, encourages, and sets free the anguished soul!  

Here's my question:

Do you have this joy?  Are you in a place where you are tending more to the sink full of dishes than the sin that is lying dormant in the crevices of your soul?  Are you choosing to embrace the JOY that Jesus gave us over 2,000 years ago on that cross?  The joy that releases you from guilt, condemnation and anguish.  Spend some time searching your heart today in the presence of a Perfect God, to see what He reveals to you.  When God reveals it, don't let it remain but ask Him to "create a clean heart in you and renew a steadfast spirit in you"(Psalm 51:10).  

Wanna find out the second part of my story?  Come back on Wednesday!  See ya friend.   

FIGHTING FEAR

You know how you go to sleep and while your sleeping the Lord just speaks.  Well, I woke up with this very topic in my head this morning.  I tried to get this post out of my head, but it has followed me in my heart. All. Day. Long.  This is challenging for me to write about as I DAILY battle with "it"  in my life.

 F.E.A.R.!!!!!!  There it is ladies.  Yep, I am putting it out there! I can't stand it and it is wreaking havoc in my life and the lives of others I know. Sheesh! So let's talk about it.


What Is It?
I have heard it said by my Pastor, Kevin James, fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.  In my life what does it look like daily.  Well, let's see... It sounds and looks a little bit like this:

Because...

• I am not qualified to talk about God's Word and pour it into to others....It appears in the form of me not sitting at my desk writing a post.  
• I didn't live a life honoring to the Lord in my childhood years...It appears as me fighting the thoughts of am I going to mess my kids up in the head. 
• I was "last minute lucy" in applying to colleges... It appears as me conversing with my teenager for the 20th time about college choices, as if he is going in the Spring and is not a junior in high school. 
• I have no skill set like ANYONE from HGTV...  It appears as my house isn't "show" ready, so how could I possibly reflect a Proverbs 31 woman? Or let alone pour in to woman for that matter about biblical womanhood.(Even though, it truly is NOT a priority on my list. I'd rather cook. I'm a lover of good cooked meals.)
• I didn't respond well to my spouse...It appears that I will NEVER get victory over my responses to my spouse.

On and on it goes.... I could continue on, but then it would just sound like a pity party.

What Is So Wrong With Fear?

Here is what I have found:


1. Fear is not the TRUTH!  It's that simple. As a woman of faith, God has revealed to me that it is in my failures where God gets ALL the glory and draws others to himself. When I allow fear to control me from doing, going, or being the person God created me to be; I will be stagnant and therefore, never able to fulfill His glorious plan for my life. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.  What has God revealed to you that you are to be doing to fulfill His purpose in your life? 

2.  Fear is a TACTIC!  I have recognized that fear is a tactic the devil uses to thwart my purpose in Christ.    The devil has strategies to take us off the grid of living for God intentionally.  Listen to what scripture says in John 10:10.  The thief(Satan) does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.  Okay, so this is crazy!  This verse makes it so clear about why Satan comes.  First of all, he's not even trying to step to you UNLESS you are living for God. Plain and simple.  Satan is the father of  death.  God is the Father of life.  So, I am either going in one direction or the other.  Ouch.  This is convicting ya'll.  Jesus came (not just past, but present perfect-for now and for all time to come) so we can have not just life eternally, but life abundantly!  He wants us to live in Him while we are living on earth.  So, I have to allow the abundant living Christ paid for to wash over my thoughts, wash over my heart, wash over what I should be doing for His glory!

3.  Fear is a TIME WASTER!  OOOOWEEE!  The Lord is speaking to me today!  Fear is a time waster.  I just began to think about the times DAILY when I have a thought that is crippled by fear and how long I can go through the what if's, instead of just being obedient and saying yes!  If I fall on my face, SO WHAT!  I'm falling hard for Jesus!  That's why the 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ,8 Concerning this thing I(Paul) pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. When I fall there is a humbling that takes places and a dependence on Christ to pick me up.  I am time wasting when I just keep analyzing, because I am prideful thinking "How can I not fall?  How can I look good?  How can I boast in my self and what I am doing?"  WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!!! I am ignoring a need for God and ultimately am going to end up back at reliance on self, which ALWAYS brings forth death.  HELP ME LAWD!!!!  

Ya'll I am just pouring forth my soul, because this is REAL in my life right now.  It's crazy too, because by the grace of God, I believe God for crazy stuff for others, but not for myself.  Don't get me wrong,  I mean me sitting at my computer RIGHT NOW is an act of obedience!  I literally have to shift from fear to faith, EVERY SINGLE TIME I right a post or speak at an event.  This is as REAL as it gets in my life right now.  So, I have come to a resolution today:  If we error, let's err on the side of obedience(what God is asking of us to do). Whose with me?

Pause: Reread the following scripture passages listed above. 

Ponder: Make 2 columns with, "What God Says" & What God Is Saying To Me" in regards to the things that you are allowing fear to control.  

Petition:  Tell Him.  Listen.  Do.

LESSONS LEARNED IN LOSS

Wow! It's been awhile.  Summer is over, the kids are back in school and I am back to sharing my heart with you.  The Lord has been so kind to choose me to display His glory and I am so thankful.  No, it's not easy. There is joy and their is sadness.  There is burden and their is ease. And trust me when I say,

 There is no other place I'd rather be than in the center of His will.

I say all of this to share what has been happening in my life.  Two months ago K.O. and I found out that the Lord saw fit to bless us with a new addition to our family.  We were quite in shock, as we felt the Lord leading us to look more into the foster to adoption process.  And Lord knows I am not to have a baby and adopt a child at the same time!

After we had gotten over the shock, we began to embrace God's sovereign will for our lives and trust Him.  I went to my first appointment and checked in with my doc and minutes after my spirit began to be uneasy.  (If anyone knows me, they know I am a faithwalker or "optimistic".  I take to heart "All things work together for the good..."  So, I brushed it off as if I didn't feel what I was feeling.  Shortly thereafter, the doctor communicated he heard no heartbeat and wanted me to get an ultrasound immediately.  I go for the ultrasound, hear the the baby's heartbeat (strong at 155 bpm) and all is good.  Well, my spirit was still unsettled.

Upon waiting for my doctor (who did not arrive until 45-50 min. later) a lady knocks on the door and says, "Have you been seen by the doctor?" I said, "No, I haven't."  She said, I am so sorry.  I think he may have forgotten you were still here."  Ya'll know it was the Holy Spirit, because in a moment where I could have embraced my flesh and "go COMPLETELY off", the HOLY SPIRIT spoke truth.  

The Lord said, " I know they forgot about you, but YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN! I see you. You are known before me!  I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you!  And just like that ya'll the gentle presence of my God, my Father and my Friend calmed my fears and settled my soul. 

I love this God I serve!  This is why HE is the lover of my soul. I love Him and let me tell you something about this moment.  At this moment, I knew God was preparing me and my heart for something.  Something MORE!  Something that was not about me, but about resting in "it is well, with my soul".  I love how God gave me full notice, before K.O. and I went through the storm of loss. 

Our precious baby Oliver went home to be with the Lord on Friday, August 22, 2014. 

Here is what I know, is that God doesn't randomly select or roll dice to see who He is going to put into battle.  No, He is very intentional in what He does to display His glory in our lives.  Today, my heart shares with you what I learned through this storm.

Lesson #1: LIFE BEGINS AT CONCEPTION.  
As a follower of Christ, I am Pro Life because God made us in His image and I believe I don't control what the designer does. Jeremiah 1:5 says, "I chose you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart before you were born".  Because our baby was so young, and I had the sweet privilege to hear the heart beat(beating strong) God wanted me to know it's not just about these babies being made in His image. No, this is a life!  A life with plans to display His glory and what He wants done, He will do.  He needs no assistance from us.

Lesson #2: GOD DOES ALL HIS HOLY WILL.
I know that God is sovereign and I have shared this with many others that I have ministered to.  Yet, it was not until this precious time that the Lord made it clear.  I remember speaking to my doctor the morning of, before our baby went home to be with the Lord.  I communicated with him what I perceived was taking place.( I knew this because this is our third miscarriage).  Yet, when I spoke to him, he assured me that as he looked at the ultrasound that NOTHING was wrong with the embryo sac and the baby's heartbeat was STRONG.  Once, again God gave me peace and told me not to debate this doctor.  This is the EXACT scripture he gave me while speaking with him.  Psalm 8:4-5 "What is man that You remember him, the son of man that You look after him?  You made him little less than God and crowned him with glory and honor." The Word that God kept sticking out is "YOU", which refers to God, creator of the Universe and ALL things within it!  Doctors are NOT the final answer, GOD IS!  God remembers, looks after and crowned me & this baby with glory and honor out of His power, His grace, and His will.  So,  God chooses what He wants to write on my blank check of life.

 He does what His holy will wants and He does it to display His fingerprints on my life!  

 Lesson #3:  GOD TAKES US THROUGH SO WE CAN ENCOURAGE OTHERS.
I love this.  Over the past 4 months I have had a scripture on my refrigerator and I didn't know why.  I would pass by it, read it and keep it moving.  Well, the Lord revealed why it was on my fridge, "for such a time as this".  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may comfort those who are in ANY affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.   Do ya'll see what I see? Yep!  What I went through was an opportunity that not all of us have.  I had the sweet privilege of being comforted by my loving God, so I can comfort another through ANY affliction.  And not comfort them in just my life experience, but comfort them with the comfort from a HOLY God and Savior Jesus Christ who loved, suffered, went and died to redeem this very moment with understanding, comfort and hope to know Him in a deeper more meaningful way.  And that is what I would call, "PRICELESS"! 

Today, take time to reflect on your loss.  Is it a job, a loved one, a wayward child, a financial situation, relationship, or just an unmet expectation that you have been believing God for?  Be honest with yourself and the Lord. I will tell you a secret, "HE ALREADY KNOWS".  He wants you to voice it to Him, so He can lift that burden, carry it and comfort you. It ALL boils down to choice. 

xoxo,
Sheb


PAUSE: Read the following verses of scripture.  Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 8:4-5, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

PONDER: What is God saying about Himself in the verses?  What is God saying about you in the verses?  What is your take away?

PRAY: Tell Him. Listen. Do.
 

Maximizing Moments

Dear Blog & Blog Readers,

Oh how I have missed thee.  I have been on a serious Summer hiatus and am happy to be getting back into a regular regimen.  While I was gone, the Lord has been speaking to me.  Yet, it all wraps up into one thing; moments.  Recently, my kids went away for the summer with my parents who live in Oklahoma.

Yes, in the South you wake up, eat breakfast and jump in the pool (with jammies on of course)! 

Yep, I'm an "okie" girl and proud of it!  Since they have been gone, the house has been silent during the day and it provides great opportunity for me to think, dream and thank God for His many blessings.  Yet in my thinking time God has been speaking to me that I have been missing and not maximizing moments.  I have been so focused on accomplishing goals, being faithful to things the Lord has asked of me and ensuring that no one kills the other person with anything.  Being so focused on the to-do's and goals has damaged an "attitude of  gratitude" that the Lord has asked me to have and turned it into an "I got this" attitude.

The spontaneity of Summer rendezvous lunch dates: fun, love, purity in convos. 

Here is what I have recognized, missing moments is not on God's agenda for my life.  When I  am so locked in to having morning quiet time w/ God,  keeping a clean house, organized schedules, activities for kids, making menus for the week and creating other checklists, it's more about me "checking the list" than it is about God getting all the glory through what I am doing.  I sat and thought, "What are some of my happiest and thankful moments?"  It was the impromptu's of the summer: meeting a friend and kids at a park, turning on sprinklers, asking my kids what they want for dinner,  reading classics to my kids out loud, laying a blanket in the front yard and "being" with them, sitting in an adinorack chair talking to my teenager, a 48 pack of push pops running out every 3 days, picnics at the park, or flying kites in the middle of a parking lot with my husband and racing each other. These are the places where God is glorified most!  It's the organic, naked, unexpected moments where God is!  Where laughter is at an all time high.  Think about it... How many times this week have you just, laughed?  When was the last time you have just had the opportunity to "be"?

Now don't get me wrong, there is a place for order and getting things done.  However, when getting things done collides with making memories with your spouse, children, and friends , it's time to reevaluate.  I am not the most organized person and even I am missing moments and not maximizing them. Maximizing moments means meeting and seeing God glory fulfilled in the little things of life, that we so often take for granted.  These little things are the things within our hearts that God is really trying to make known to us, whether good or bad.

So, here's the challenge.  For the next 7 days, embrace the impromptus and maximize moments!  Yep, let's do it(in my cheerleader voice)!  Embrace the moment and if you are organized or just remember, comment below on some of the moments you have maximized. God's desire is that we be people who see every moment orchestrated and blessed by Him alone.  How else does He get the glory out of our lives!

xoxo

Restless

Recently, my family and I celebrated our husband, father and friend graduating from law school.  K.O. worked full-time and attended law school part-time for 4 1/2 years.  Well, here we are now at the end of it all, a finished goal and I don't wanna move forward.  You heard me correctly, I am fearful of moving forward.  Let me explain.

Over these past for 4 1/2 years, God has done so many wonderful and miraculous things in my soul and in my life.  Here are few to date:

• the Lord called me into full-time home ministry right before my hubby received his acceptance letter.
• the Lord has given me a heart for my home through this season.
• the Lord changed my attitude, responses and behavior towards my children.
• the Lord did miracles in my families life.
• the Lord allowed me to support my husband in the way God designed and desired it to be.
• the Lord drew me and my teenage son closer to one another.
• the Lord allowed me to forge deep, authentic and genuine relationships with women in my church and neighborhood.
• the Lord allowed me to become more faithful in areas I threw by the wayside. 
• the Lord allowed me to be engaged in both my kids schools wholeheartedly.
• the Lord allowed me to see other women embrace biblical womanhood.
• the Lord allowed me to have women come into my home weekly and eat and fellowship at the table.
• the Lord allowed me to study His Word so much!  Wow!
• the Lord allowed me to witness marriages restored and share the gospel in places I never thought I would have even shared.
• the Lord allowed me to pray, be still, and pray some more with other women weekly.
• the Lord allowed me to share the gospel and lead my son through the plan of salvation.  

Just writing this down brings tears of joy to my soul.  So, this is why I have been restless ya'll.  God did so much in this season as my girlfriend said "season of surviving", that I don't want to leave and walk into my land of promise. I felt like I didn't wanna leave "it" because I see what the Lord has done & I can't see what's in the land of promise. Ugh! Just talking about this is freeing for me right now!

So here's the deal, when I sat with the Lord and the Word and prayed with a couple of homies I pray with weekly, this is where the Lord led me. He led me right to Deuteronomy 29:1-15.  God did ALL this so that He could establish & keep me and my family as His people and so He could be our God.  Thank you LAWD!

All this was for me to know who He is for and who I am for, Him and His. Name. Alone.  So, I don't have to go into the place He has given us with fears  of will He be good, just like He was good in "survival mode"?  No, I can walk into the next season knowing not only is He good and for my good, but my heart is for Him and what He provides will be for His glory alone!  That's good ya'll!  I don't wanna take His glory!  I have struggled for years with pride and acceptance and every other baggage that comes with all this.  But, because I know I am  His and He is mine and it's all for His glory, Whew! (Shoutin' in my house right now!)

What about you? Are you in a season or space in life where you are doubting & questioning..."Does God really have good for me?"  Are you in a space where your heart feels like surviving is better than the land of promise?

Ponder: Read Deuteronomy 29:1-15.

Pause:  Answer the following question(s) above.

Petition:  Tell Him. Listen. Do.

xoxo

Powerless

I am intrigued by the word powerless.  I am intrigued because it is not in my nature to embrace this very word.  When I think about it, my person-hood can be far from this word at times.  You are thinking probably, where is she going with this?  Just follow me for a moment.  My personality is b.i.g.  I need no assistance socially in confidence, embracing power or taking over a room, it's naturally within me.  I say these things in a honest way, because I want you to understand my struggle and this post.

As I was sitting with the Lord and hearing Him speak to me, He gave me one word, powerless. ( definition; having no power: unable to do something or to stop something.)  You see, me sitting at this very computer is vulnerability to me.  It constantly reveals my imperfections.  Here are some to name a few; faithfulness, impatience, self-control and intellect, feeling ill-equipped to be a godly, wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend.  Just to name a few.  Actually,  blogging is not something that I love to do because of the commitment I have to have to it, but this is the space God has called me to be in right now.  When I don't feel confident and sure about doing things, I fall off the wagon and journey.  And dear friend, this is where God is.

I have been reading the book of Acts with a couple of friends  who I sit around the table monthly with in my neighborhood and thousands of others through a online community called, IF:Equip.  As I have read through Acts so far, I am blown away by how many times I have read the very words, "full of power".  The very phrase sends chills up and down my back.  This very phrase sends me into wonderment as to how necessary it is in my life.  Here is what I found  through Acts and the rest of the New Testament about people who are "full of power".   If I wanna be full of power, I must recognize and embrace that I am powerless.  
Whoa!  As my girlfriend says, "Boom. Drop the mic. Walk away." (Yes homies, I will use your coined phrases in ministry and it is all in love!)

Yep, I said it.   Being powerless and powerful are contrary to one another.  There is a tension that I am learning to daily embrace within the contradiction of these two words.  They cannot exist in my life with one another.  As a woman, wife, mother and friend who is living in step with God by His grace, if I want to see miracles, I have to empty myself before a Holy God and walk in His power and not mine.  I have always struggled with self-help resources because I don't need help with being consumed and focused on myself and my successes, it's in my sinful nature.  I was born this way with the desire to want power (or a softer word "authority"). For me, the challenge is daily dying to self glorification and living with God's glory being magnified through my life.

As I live in my space daily, I see that being full of power is being full of The Lord.  Full of God's grace, His Spirit, His Truth, His Love, His Boldness, His Prayers.  Don't take my word for it, read Acts 6 and see how Stephen was able to live full of power and literally die for God's glory. Or, check out John 3:22-36 when John makes known "it's not about me, but ALL about him" quote.  These cats lived a life powerless of self and powerful in Christ! 

What about you?  Where are you currently living life powerful in self, instead of powerful in Christ?  Where is God calling you to embrace powerlessnes?

xoxo


Ponder: Read Acts 6 & John 3:22-36.

Pause:  Reflect on questions in last paragraph in relation to the scripture.

Petition: Tell Him. Listen. Do.

All Eyes On Me

This weekend my family and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with some old friends.  It was such a joy to catch up with them and to just be there in the moments together.  As K.O.(my hubby) and I sat there catching up with many, there were a few who we had not known.  As we spent time sharing we met one woman who was sweet, gentle, full of joy and laughter.  As we sat listening to this woman speak, there the Lord was speaking in such a whisper to K.O. and I.

He whispered this woman is here and sharing her soul because she wants to be seen.  As a matter of fact, not just seen but known.  It wasn't in a selfish way, but in a selfless sense of being known by the One True God.  As K.O. and I returned home, we conversed about "make new friends, but keep the old".  The Lord drew us to see how God desires for us is not to be, "here I am people, but there you are people".  My hubby and I's convo went on for a day or so through small moments as we continued to ponder upon what took place that day.  As we pondered, K.O. spoke into me the encounter Nathanael had when he met Jesus.  When Nate (a.k.a. Nathanael) encountered Jesus there were two things that happened:

1.  A friend (Phil a.k.a. Phillip) asked Nathanael to come and see for himself "The One".

2. When Nate encountered Jesus, Jesus revealed to Nate how he saw him under the fig tree.  Nate was in such astonishment that Jesus had saw him, that it changed the trajectory of His whole life! (I think what was Nate doing under that tree?  Definitely, only something Nate & the True and Living God would be able to see and know.  Yet, God sees him with love.)

This is so thought provoking.  In an "all eyes on me" culture that promotes self, God is leading by example and asking us to be "there you are, come and see" people.  To not be like Tupac's song, "All eyez on me", but to look around and be in the day and moments with our neighbors(that includes everyone).  To know when God is calling us to say "come and see"!  "Be known" like you've never been known before!

Ponder: Read John 1:43-51.

Pause:  Are you a "here I am" or "there you are" person? Why?  Is there a person God is saying you need to say "come and see" to today, or maybe it's you?

Petition: Tell Him.  Listen.  Do.

xoxo

Field Day

I love field day. There I said it. Pretty much every adult I know has a grand memory of field day. Seriously. Stop. Think about it. I mean it was good fun! 

making his official blog debut 

My son, Kingston just had his first field day experience. Guess who was a volunteer? 

Muah!  So, I couldn't help it. I was really pumped for this because of my own childhood experiences.  I laced Kingston up with sports tattoos under the eyes, gave him a good hearty breakfast and had Big Don's "Brand New Beat" bumping in the livingroom.  Yes, we were "turnt up" at 8:30 in the morning. Cause that's what we do on field day!

So, I started thinking..."Gotta give him a pep talk, gotta give him a pep talk." This is about competition. Winning.  Then, the Holy Spirit spoke, using the gift of music. Big Dons "The Tortoise and the Hare" came on. 

All I can say is as I listened to the lyrics, TRUTH rang from the holy hills ya'll.  My speech was gonna go something like this:

"Kingston, your an Oliver and you play to W. I. N. Win!"

By the time the Holy Spirit got a hold of me, His speech was gonna go like this:

"Kingston, your an Oliver and you finish well!"

huh?

Many of you have heard the story of "The Tortoise and the Hare"(so I will spare us all and highlight one of the principles of the story.)

The hare ran fast and thought he had such a lead the he started to chill out. Only to realize he didn't cross the finish line. While the tortoise ran his race diligently, heartily and at his pace to finish and win the race.

I had to think to myself, what am I trying to teach Kingston at this tender age? Running fast or running to the end?

Now this is where God get's real real. He leaned in to me and said...

Te'Sheba, Why are you running fast and checking out, when you know you have not finished what I asked you to do? Sheesh. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks. And in that moment(His love covered me with Truth).

As for Kingston, I gave him the glorified, sanctified, organ playing pep talk to BE THE TORTOISE!

Ponder: Are you running fast and checking out or are you pressing in to finish the race? 

Pause: What is causing your checkouts or press ins?

Petition: Tell Him. Listen. Do.

xoxoxo 

OWN IT

Okay, let me start out by saying I hate the mundane tasks of following up with simple trivial things that should not be needed in our society.  There are other things that need attention in my life, rather than following up with my health insurance company to verify that we still have the SAME insurance coverage that we have had for the past TEN years.  So, what do I do? Call them.  Completely annoyed with the fact I cannot get a live representative, and I have punched in my identification number several times, and it keeps asking me to repeat myself. (UGH! Please excuse me while I rant.)  America, can we PLEASE stop being greedy and reinstate phone representatives without having to go through the pre-recorded phone teller 10 times?
(Sorry, I'm back.)  Suddenly, to my astonishment I throw a book down.

Yep, that's it.  The colors book right on top.

I just couldn't take it.  I had become so disgruntled that I lost my cool!  What happened?  How did I let myself get to this place?  Needless to say, when the phone representative get's on the phone, (ya'll already know) I got an attitude with Victoria.  Poor Victoria.  I took my frustrations in that moment out on a young lady who was trying to help me. What was wrong with me?

Recently, I have been reading a book I randomly got of f the shelf at my local library called, The Power of a Half Hour , by Tommy Barnett.  So simple, but so challenging and convicting all at the same time.  Well, whatta ya know, the chapter I read focused on attitude.  And in that moment all of my frustration became known before God and myself.  Why was I angry?  What caused me to have such a lack of self-control? How was God reflected toward Victoria over the phone?

In that still moment became something so sweet.  God's love showed me myself, my attitude.  He revealed to me that I need to own what really has crept its way back into my heart as poor habits.  "It" being poor habits of impatience, selfishness of time and poor planning to take care of a simple phone call.  I had to own it ya'll.

I love this quote by Tommy Barnett, "Your attitude is so much more than whether you are positive or negative toward the world around you.  Your attitude is a central part of who you are-and many people define you according to the attitude you project".

You must know, I am calling my insurance provider phone representative (Victoria) back to repent and ask for her forgiveness. Cause, Lord knows I don't want Jesus to be defined that way towards people on account of my part.  The One who controls my life is compassionate, loving, gracious, patient and self-controlled.

xoxo


Ponder: What poor habits or attitudes in your life have become a part of who you are?

Pause: Own it.

Petition: Tell Him. Listen. Do.

Yes Lawd!!!

I love my  daughter Giselle!  She is the most vibrant, serious, strong-willed 2 year old I have met (outside of myself of course!)  Recently she's been choosing the word choice, "no".  You heard me correctly ladies and gents.  She goes around saying, "no, no, no, no....", with different voice inflections.   Okay, so she has been saying it so much that it clicked for me! 

Here is how the convo went with she and I.  

Me: Giselle

Giselle: Huh?

Me: Why do you keep saying no?

Giselle: (shrug of the shoulders) Huh-uhn.

Me: Well, let's practice saying yes.  Say it with me, Yes!

Giselle:  Yes. (confused look)

Me: Yes! (with enthusiasm)

Giselle: Yes. (imperative frustrated look)

Me: Yes! (with joy)

Giselle: Yes!  (joyful look)

And of course, ya'll know what happened next, right?  The Holy Spirit came in like a rushing wind to my heart.  You know what He said to me?  

God:  Now you say it to Me?  

Me:  Huh?  Whaaaaat!?!  Hold on one second Lord...(with hesitation)

The Lord revealed to me I often say yes outwardly, but really am walking around inwardly just like my two year old daughter saying, "No...no...no...no..."

The Lord drew me back to the Mount of Olives (Luke 22:39-42).  Jesus didn't want it "The Cup", but He took it.  It was bitter for the Father and for Him, but it was better for me and for the world.  

"Welcome to my world!"  This is where I am in this stage of my life.  Saying yes to blogging, writing and speaking all HIS holy will while focusing well on the ways of my home. Sheesh! I am a free spirit ya'll!  I love to get up and allow myself to blow wherever the wind blows me.  But saying yes stretches me!  It stretches me to be faithful to God and faithful to using my time well for His glory!  

xoxo

(Read Luke 22:39-42)

Ponder:  What has God been asking of you lately? Is your heart saying "yes" or "no" towards the Lords work for your life?

Pause:  How can you move (more) towards saying "yes" today?

Petition: Tell Him.  Listen.  Do. 

RUN

This is it. This is the moment where my heart beats as drums in my chest and my mouth begins to water. This is it. This moment of time where my God reminds me why He restored my soul and why I am here. To run. I mean run hard after The One who made me. To display His story through my life.  

How did I get here? How long do I run? Am I the only runner in the race?  

I wish I could tell you the run is easy, but I would be lying to you. It came from running into His presence, seeking His face and embracing grace. The grace that has been holding on to me since my mother's womb, carrying me through repetitious sin, and gripping me when fear tries to lay hold of me.  So, I write to myself and to you. I write of my journey, failures and celebrations. I write for The One who wrote my name in my mother's womb and the Book of Life. I don't know how long it will last. But, I do know I am here and I am running.  1 Corinthians 9:24 says,"Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!"(NLT)

I run for the prize. I run towards my inheritance, heaven. Philippians 3:12 puts it this way, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."(NIV)  You see, I haven't arrived. I'm running just like you. Running towards Jesus daily.  My joy is not just to run, but run with you.  If you are reading this you are running.  The direction may be (TBD) to be determined, but by golly, you are running.  

The question is will you run with me ?

 In Phillipians 3:14 God says through Paul,"I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."  Wait. So, we are running to:

1. reach the end

2. receive the heavenly prize

3. embrace the call through Christ Jesus

This blog is one way I am embracing God's call through Christ in me.  Today, spend time reading Phillipians 3:12-21. Journal what He speaks to your soul and then answer the following:

Ponder:

What are you running towards(i.e., successful career, perfect family, a pristine reputation, money, retirement, idleness, perfect body)?  

Pause:

How can you run towards God today?

Petition:

Tell Him. Listen. Do. 

xoxo