Powerless

I am intrigued by the word powerless.  I am intrigued because it is not in my nature to embrace this very word.  When I think about it, my person-hood can be far from this word at times.  You are thinking probably, where is she going with this?  Just follow me for a moment.  My personality is b.i.g.  I need no assistance socially in confidence, embracing power or taking over a room, it's naturally within me.  I say these things in a honest way, because I want you to understand my struggle and this post.

As I was sitting with the Lord and hearing Him speak to me, He gave me one word, powerless. ( definition; having no power: unable to do something or to stop something.)  You see, me sitting at this very computer is vulnerability to me.  It constantly reveals my imperfections.  Here are some to name a few; faithfulness, impatience, self-control and intellect, feeling ill-equipped to be a godly, wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend.  Just to name a few.  Actually,  blogging is not something that I love to do because of the commitment I have to have to it, but this is the space God has called me to be in right now.  When I don't feel confident and sure about doing things, I fall off the wagon and journey.  And dear friend, this is where God is.

I have been reading the book of Acts with a couple of friends  who I sit around the table monthly with in my neighborhood and thousands of others through a online community called, IF:Equip.  As I have read through Acts so far, I am blown away by how many times I have read the very words, "full of power".  The very phrase sends chills up and down my back.  This very phrase sends me into wonderment as to how necessary it is in my life.  Here is what I found  through Acts and the rest of the New Testament about people who are "full of power".   If I wanna be full of power, I must recognize and embrace that I am powerless.  
Whoa!  As my girlfriend says, "Boom. Drop the mic. Walk away." (Yes homies, I will use your coined phrases in ministry and it is all in love!)

Yep, I said it.   Being powerless and powerful are contrary to one another.  There is a tension that I am learning to daily embrace within the contradiction of these two words.  They cannot exist in my life with one another.  As a woman, wife, mother and friend who is living in step with God by His grace, if I want to see miracles, I have to empty myself before a Holy God and walk in His power and not mine.  I have always struggled with self-help resources because I don't need help with being consumed and focused on myself and my successes, it's in my sinful nature.  I was born this way with the desire to want power (or a softer word "authority"). For me, the challenge is daily dying to self glorification and living with God's glory being magnified through my life.

As I live in my space daily, I see that being full of power is being full of The Lord.  Full of God's grace, His Spirit, His Truth, His Love, His Boldness, His Prayers.  Don't take my word for it, read Acts 6 and see how Stephen was able to live full of power and literally die for God's glory. Or, check out John 3:22-36 when John makes known "it's not about me, but ALL about him" quote.  These cats lived a life powerless of self and powerful in Christ! 

What about you?  Where are you currently living life powerful in self, instead of powerful in Christ?  Where is God calling you to embrace powerlessnes?

xoxo


Ponder: Read Acts 6 & John 3:22-36.

Pause:  Reflect on questions in last paragraph in relation to the scripture.

Petition: Tell Him. Listen. Do.

All Eyes On Me

This weekend my family and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with some old friends.  It was such a joy to catch up with them and to just be there in the moments together.  As K.O.(my hubby) and I sat there catching up with many, there were a few who we had not known.  As we spent time sharing we met one woman who was sweet, gentle, full of joy and laughter.  As we sat listening to this woman speak, there the Lord was speaking in such a whisper to K.O. and I.

He whispered this woman is here and sharing her soul because she wants to be seen.  As a matter of fact, not just seen but known.  It wasn't in a selfish way, but in a selfless sense of being known by the One True God.  As K.O. and I returned home, we conversed about "make new friends, but keep the old".  The Lord drew us to see how God desires for us is not to be, "here I am people, but there you are people".  My hubby and I's convo went on for a day or so through small moments as we continued to ponder upon what took place that day.  As we pondered, K.O. spoke into me the encounter Nathanael had when he met Jesus.  When Nate (a.k.a. Nathanael) encountered Jesus there were two things that happened:

1.  A friend (Phil a.k.a. Phillip) asked Nathanael to come and see for himself "The One".

2. When Nate encountered Jesus, Jesus revealed to Nate how he saw him under the fig tree.  Nate was in such astonishment that Jesus had saw him, that it changed the trajectory of His whole life! (I think what was Nate doing under that tree?  Definitely, only something Nate & the True and Living God would be able to see and know.  Yet, God sees him with love.)

This is so thought provoking.  In an "all eyes on me" culture that promotes self, God is leading by example and asking us to be "there you are, come and see" people.  To not be like Tupac's song, "All eyez on me", but to look around and be in the day and moments with our neighbors(that includes everyone).  To know when God is calling us to say "come and see"!  "Be known" like you've never been known before!

Ponder: Read John 1:43-51.

Pause:  Are you a "here I am" or "there you are" person? Why?  Is there a person God is saying you need to say "come and see" to today, or maybe it's you?

Petition: Tell Him.  Listen.  Do.

xoxo

Field Day

I love field day. There I said it. Pretty much every adult I know has a grand memory of field day. Seriously. Stop. Think about it. I mean it was good fun! 

making his official blog debut 

My son, Kingston just had his first field day experience. Guess who was a volunteer? 

Muah!  So, I couldn't help it. I was really pumped for this because of my own childhood experiences.  I laced Kingston up with sports tattoos under the eyes, gave him a good hearty breakfast and had Big Don's "Brand New Beat" bumping in the livingroom.  Yes, we were "turnt up" at 8:30 in the morning. Cause that's what we do on field day!

So, I started thinking..."Gotta give him a pep talk, gotta give him a pep talk." This is about competition. Winning.  Then, the Holy Spirit spoke, using the gift of music. Big Dons "The Tortoise and the Hare" came on. 

All I can say is as I listened to the lyrics, TRUTH rang from the holy hills ya'll.  My speech was gonna go something like this:

"Kingston, your an Oliver and you play to W. I. N. Win!"

By the time the Holy Spirit got a hold of me, His speech was gonna go like this:

"Kingston, your an Oliver and you finish well!"

huh?

Many of you have heard the story of "The Tortoise and the Hare"(so I will spare us all and highlight one of the principles of the story.)

The hare ran fast and thought he had such a lead the he started to chill out. Only to realize he didn't cross the finish line. While the tortoise ran his race diligently, heartily and at his pace to finish and win the race.

I had to think to myself, what am I trying to teach Kingston at this tender age? Running fast or running to the end?

Now this is where God get's real real. He leaned in to me and said...

Te'Sheba, Why are you running fast and checking out, when you know you have not finished what I asked you to do? Sheesh. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks. And in that moment(His love covered me with Truth).

As for Kingston, I gave him the glorified, sanctified, organ playing pep talk to BE THE TORTOISE!

Ponder: Are you running fast and checking out or are you pressing in to finish the race? 

Pause: What is causing your checkouts or press ins?

Petition: Tell Him. Listen. Do.

xoxoxo 

OWN IT

Okay, let me start out by saying I hate the mundane tasks of following up with simple trivial things that should not be needed in our society.  There are other things that need attention in my life, rather than following up with my health insurance company to verify that we still have the SAME insurance coverage that we have had for the past TEN years.  So, what do I do? Call them.  Completely annoyed with the fact I cannot get a live representative, and I have punched in my identification number several times, and it keeps asking me to repeat myself. (UGH! Please excuse me while I rant.)  America, can we PLEASE stop being greedy and reinstate phone representatives without having to go through the pre-recorded phone teller 10 times?
(Sorry, I'm back.)  Suddenly, to my astonishment I throw a book down.

Yep, that's it.  The colors book right on top.

I just couldn't take it.  I had become so disgruntled that I lost my cool!  What happened?  How did I let myself get to this place?  Needless to say, when the phone representative get's on the phone, (ya'll already know) I got an attitude with Victoria.  Poor Victoria.  I took my frustrations in that moment out on a young lady who was trying to help me. What was wrong with me?

Recently, I have been reading a book I randomly got of f the shelf at my local library called, The Power of a Half Hour , by Tommy Barnett.  So simple, but so challenging and convicting all at the same time.  Well, whatta ya know, the chapter I read focused on attitude.  And in that moment all of my frustration became known before God and myself.  Why was I angry?  What caused me to have such a lack of self-control? How was God reflected toward Victoria over the phone?

In that still moment became something so sweet.  God's love showed me myself, my attitude.  He revealed to me that I need to own what really has crept its way back into my heart as poor habits.  "It" being poor habits of impatience, selfishness of time and poor planning to take care of a simple phone call.  I had to own it ya'll.

I love this quote by Tommy Barnett, "Your attitude is so much more than whether you are positive or negative toward the world around you.  Your attitude is a central part of who you are-and many people define you according to the attitude you project".

You must know, I am calling my insurance provider phone representative (Victoria) back to repent and ask for her forgiveness. Cause, Lord knows I don't want Jesus to be defined that way towards people on account of my part.  The One who controls my life is compassionate, loving, gracious, patient and self-controlled.

xoxo


Ponder: What poor habits or attitudes in your life have become a part of who you are?

Pause: Own it.

Petition: Tell Him. Listen. Do.

Yes Lawd!!!

I love my  daughter Giselle!  She is the most vibrant, serious, strong-willed 2 year old I have met (outside of myself of course!)  Recently she's been choosing the word choice, "no".  You heard me correctly ladies and gents.  She goes around saying, "no, no, no, no....", with different voice inflections.   Okay, so she has been saying it so much that it clicked for me! 

Here is how the convo went with she and I.  

Me: Giselle

Giselle: Huh?

Me: Why do you keep saying no?

Giselle: (shrug of the shoulders) Huh-uhn.

Me: Well, let's practice saying yes.  Say it with me, Yes!

Giselle:  Yes. (confused look)

Me: Yes! (with enthusiasm)

Giselle: Yes. (imperative frustrated look)

Me: Yes! (with joy)

Giselle: Yes!  (joyful look)

And of course, ya'll know what happened next, right?  The Holy Spirit came in like a rushing wind to my heart.  You know what He said to me?  

God:  Now you say it to Me?  

Me:  Huh?  Whaaaaat!?!  Hold on one second Lord...(with hesitation)

The Lord revealed to me I often say yes outwardly, but really am walking around inwardly just like my two year old daughter saying, "No...no...no...no..."

The Lord drew me back to the Mount of Olives (Luke 22:39-42).  Jesus didn't want it "The Cup", but He took it.  It was bitter for the Father and for Him, but it was better for me and for the world.  

"Welcome to my world!"  This is where I am in this stage of my life.  Saying yes to blogging, writing and speaking all HIS holy will while focusing well on the ways of my home. Sheesh! I am a free spirit ya'll!  I love to get up and allow myself to blow wherever the wind blows me.  But saying yes stretches me!  It stretches me to be faithful to God and faithful to using my time well for His glory!  

xoxo

(Read Luke 22:39-42)

Ponder:  What has God been asking of you lately? Is your heart saying "yes" or "no" towards the Lords work for your life?

Pause:  How can you move (more) towards saying "yes" today?

Petition: Tell Him.  Listen.  Do.